This weeks featured Short Funny quotations:
Before marriage, a man yearns
for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.
Short Funny Quote by, Anonymous.
Only two things are necessary
to keep one's wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way,
and the other is to let her have it.
Short and funny quote by, Lyndon B. Johnson
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I
hate plants.
Short Funny Quote by, Whitney Brown.
As you get older three things
happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...
Short funny quotes by, Sir Norman Wisdom.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep --
not screaming, like the passengers in his car
Short funny quotes, Unknown.
Never play peekaboo with a child on a long plane trip. There's no end to the
game. Finally I grabbed him by the bib and said, Look, it's always gonna be
me!
Short Funny Quote by, Rita Rudner.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful
things like . . . love!
Short and funny quote by, Homer J Simpson.
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly
everything, money is handy.
Short and funny quote by, Groucho Marx.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced
against all races.
Short and funny quote by, Homer J Simpson.
If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error.
Short funny quote by, John Kenneth Galbraith.
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
Short and funny quote by, Steven Wright.
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the
name will carry.
Short funny quotes by, Bill Cosby
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds
the universe together.
Short funny quotes by, Oprah Winfrey
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they
try to decide which one.
Short Funny Quote by, Anonymous.
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
Short and funny quote by, Sam Levenson.
I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
Short and funny quote by, Phyllis Diller.
Income-tax forms should be more realistic by allowing the taxpayer to list
Uncle Sam as a dependent.
Short funny quote by, Anonymous.
This weeks featured Short poems:
The Egotist by Stuart McLean (
the shortest poem ever written )
I
Fleas, lice by Matsuo Basho
Fleas, lice,
a horse peeing
near my pillow.
A Dimple in the Tomb by Emily
Dickinson
A Dimple in the Tomb
Makes that ferocious Room
A Home.
There are holes in The Sky by
Spike Milligan
There are holes in the sky
Where the rain gets in
But there ever so small
That's why the rain is thin.
The Far-Farers by Robert Louis
Stevenson
The broad sun,
The bright day:
White sails
On the blue bay:
The far-farers
Draw away.
Light the fires
And close the door.
To the old homes,
To the loved shore,
The far-farers
Return no more.
Love by Stuart Macfarlane
It has changed me from miss to
Mrs,
Fulfilled my dreams and all my wishes,
Transformed my life to one of joy,
Made a man of my dear, sweet boy,
That’s the magic of,
That’s the wonder of,
Love.
The Runner by Walt Whitman by
Walt Whitman
On a flat road runs the well-train'd
runner;
He is lean and sinewy, with muscular legs;
He is thinly clothed--he leans forward as he runs,
With lightly closed fists, and arms partially rais'd.
The Hunter by Ogden Nash
The hunter crouches in his
blind
'Neath camouflage of every kind
And conjures up a quacking noise
To lend allure to his decoys
This grown-up man, with pluck and luck
is hoping to outwit a duck
The Devil -- had he fidelity
by Emily Dickinson
The Devil -- had he fidelity
Would be the best friend --
Because he has ability --
But Devils cannot mend --
Perfidy is the virtue
That would but he resign
The Devil -- without question
Were thoroughly divine
Shall I compare thee to a
summer's day? by William Shakespeare
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date.
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st;
Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st:
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.
Funeral Blues by W.H. Auden
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
In The Gold Room - A Harmony
by Oscar Wilde
Her ivory hands on the ivory
keys
Strayed in a fitful fantasy,
Like the silver gleam when the poplar trees
Rustle their pale-leaves listlessly,
Or the drifting foam of a restless sea
When the waves show their teeth in the flying breeze.
Her gold hair fell on the wall of gold
Like the delicate gossamer tangles spun
On the burnished disk of the marigold,
Or the sunflower turning to meet the sun
When the gloom of the dark blue night is done,
And the spear of the lily is aureoled.
And her sweet red lips on these lips of mine
Burned like the ruby fire set
In the swinging lamp of a crimson shrine,
Or the bleeding wounds of the pomegranate,
Or the heart of the lotus drenched and wet
With the spilt-out blood of the rose-red wine.
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